this show is over.
but wait, another one has just began.

theabandonedhermitage
www.theabandonedhermitage.blogspot.com

Built by design and artifice, it fell apart in confusion and chaos.
-- John Gray

she gives you as many cookies as you ask for but once you lay your hands into the cookie jar, you wont get any. not even the next time.

its like im in somebody else's dream.

felt so sick in the afternoon. i still have this feeling someone drugged the fisherman lozenges i ate. took the train up and down a couple of times today but it was fine. had a great company at chalet T10. the fire served better as a hand warmer than a bbq pit. sure hope things were better after we left =)
had barcadi. not breezers. and i think i need one fine day to find my alcoholic tolerance =/ something tells me i would be in danger if i dont. =/
oh shit, im underage.

cabbed back to gardens with ching to meet timomo for sushi tei x)
we ordered quite alot and the last dish was 19piece sushi specially for our ulric who came after the last order was over. but its okay! D:
the ebi and sashimi was good. not forgetting those beef and softshell crab. ate my fill but that was just midway. x)

ice cube next! i thought i was going to go for fruity fiesta but old habits die hard, i went for volcanic eruption with 2 huge scoops of rocky road and some really sweet chocolate ice cream. milo powder with chocolate chips.
just the right thing for the chocoholic me D:

mich fetched me home after that and tadah, here i am x)

ching brought to my attention of the phrase conditioned love.
had me thinking for a few moments to really picture it in reality. brought me to this thought that everything in this world is transactional. =/
well at least most are. its sometimes not in the form of $$ thats all.

and conditioned love,
spend a minute to think about it (=

maybe finding all the things it took to save us
i could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
look in your eyes to see something about me
im standing on the edge and i don’t know what else to give.

i tired. im fucking tired.

you've got the triumph card in hand.
so have fun abusing it.

and there he goes, so perfectly,
the kind of flawless I wish I could be
she'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause...

its way too shattered already so stop it.
tell me you had enough already, pls.

my second chance of bronchitis is here! =/

its time to change the game plan.
whats your next move in this chess game? who are you willing to sacrifice?

checkmate in the next 3 steps.

it came a little too late and this december,
is nothing like november.

i dont know what to say about it.
i feel like a salad. its nicer than saying rojak i guess.

the little drummer boy has got to be my fav christmal carol (:




lost the voice to speak in this realm.

i guess its because you've been there once before so you dont settle for whats in front of you now. while for me, this is fine. at least for now, i tell myself it is. trust me, i've been through worst. so no complains.

my tea's gone cold, im wondering why
i got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window
and i cant see at all



isnt the greatest journey of all, love?

back. back from korea and hongkong. despite the 7 day being a few thousand miles away from home, my watch always told the time of s'pore. you know what it means to me dont you people? (:

me and mrs jones at 5.43am, the moment i turned on class95 in mom's car on the day of flight.
calling card KT
water pia with a sauna you have to go in naked TOTALLY.
internet cafe costing 7 per hr
snow skiing with a mild snowfall
ginseng chicken soup with tour guide earning commission behind the back.
lotte world with the best viking i ever set. D:
a plane ride back to hk.
cosmopolitan hotel room just next to a graveyard =/
shopping and MTR rides.
a very impt lesson time in the shopping mall with uncle arthur.
mcdonalds breakfast and more shopping.
secret hideaways along hallways of the 17th floor
csi miami on axn at 1am!
a plane ride that didnt crash along the way back to s'pore.
lavatory of the planes and bathtubs of the hotels.

im back home (:

-

i've been tracking.
and i pity. not myself.

what am i suppose to say
tell me what to do
show me the signs and lead the way

i know the road
i know the way
you just got to force me onto it.
dont leave it to me to handle.

-

got to say that uncle arthur really taught me alot in that half hour or so inside pacific plaza. i was so worried we would have problems walking the mall while aunty jasmine went to send the kids back to the hotel.
that has got to be a day i learnt alot of things. too much things? i dont know. life lessons i really appreciate and value.
and i admire him alot. alot. i could almost say he is the rare species you would find in men. i respect him and truly look up to him.
he really got me thinking. and i must say, thanks. (:
it was much needed, uncle arthur!

12am in the masquerade ball, we shed the masks.
can we talk?

and i had to go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you.

korea sucks big time and i've never missed home so much.
but right now, it gives me a good reason to just disappear.
like i always needed to.

you know you've got to though you dont want.
its not like you have a choice. dont they always say its better when you leave yourself with no choice? makes you somewhat a better person?
a classic example on yourself now (:

its too late to apologize.



I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last




live, laugh, love.
just be merry this christmas (=

i remember the rain on our skin and his kisses hotter than santa ana winds.

whispering our goodbyes
waiting for a train
i was dancing with my baby
in the summer rain.

i love the black pointy shoes and zara clothes. :D
and not forgetting, a new friend i met today. glutton is his middle name. x)

it was the last time i saw him in the summer rain.

7days.

you won.
happy now?

had a great dinner with yiching and timomo. food was sinfully good at chompchomp and i felt like i was going to explode after leaving the place. warm chocolate cake at Friends was the ultimate indulgence. no wonder they say food gives a person the best contention and satisfaction. today was one of the classic example. well, company is important too i bet! lots of laughter and thanks for the great time :D

i felt so extremely reluctant packing for the trip and it got me so agitated. i just left everything in the room and came upstairs. annoying. i know im know reluctant to pack. im unwilling to go. i suppose i dont want to leave so many things behind. yes 7days. its not very long but still, its long enough. im starting to wonder why i agreed to go on this trip in the first place. ):

and last night, i thought i was going to die. the pain was unbearable but paracetamol saved me together with the company. i thought i wont make it through the night. thanks (=
3 panadols and great company. just what i needed to ease the pain. -hugs-

i wanted to say something but i forgot =/

do you know the prata house is a house with walls made of prata where you splash curry on it like you do it on houses with paint and you eat it just like that. its pretty interesting actually and quite a sight x)

and ha, now you lost.
im losing my interest to blog. :(

i know that living with you baby was sometimes hard
but I'm willing to give it a try
cause nothing compares to you

我可以忍受眼神的空洞
我可以忍受你时间不够用
却不能忍受做了那么多
使她拥有我该得到的温柔
使她拥有我没看过的笑容

your smile got me boasting
my pulse rollercoasting

chalet was sweetness and had a real good time with all the pals. but i still dont enjoy horror flics. i still dont want to scare myself ): till now a little bit of gag still keep coming back to me ):
sob. and my neck is hurting like a bitch. ugh. uncomfortable in any position. wonder how the people are doing over at downtown east still ):
love you people to bits! D:

and glenn frey's the one you love is making me even more in love with saxophone ):
boohoo.

im losing grip.

i can see that it gets into you.

feel you here every moment

nice to know that there is internet here for me to kill time besides the usual arcade bowling pool psp lan and food galore. was having a crazy time playing daytona, losing to small little kids. maddy feels so pathetic. xD initial D was total bullsh!t because i simply throwing my face flat on the floor.

time crisis 4 is love! though me and ck were constantly adding credits at intervals of 5 or 8, it was pretty awesome x)
at least it feels good just shooting the screen with all the bugs and ugly looking terriost.

thankfully the food was in the perfect amount. no more no less. thanks to the advice from the chef aka mr tan my brother :D if not i would be piled up with plenty of leftovers here and there. still feel stupid from scalding my hand. sickening.

feels like my copper brown is fading off somehow =/ doesnt feel that copper or reddish anymore! YICHING I WANT DESSERTS! WHAT TIME IS TIMOMO WORKING? ASK HIM TAKE HALF DAY LEAVE OR SOMETHING. I WANT OUR DESSERTS. i miss warm chocolate cake and all the great food (:

and hey, i miss you!

because i just cant have enough of it

someone's gonna thank the stars above.

I CANT WAIT FOR TOMORROW. its been so long since we all met and had a gathering but now, we're all gonna be under one roof. its going to be so fun and i cant wait D:
but the dreadful bus ride makes me feel so sick right now. ugh.

teriyaki chicken tasted pretty much the same today but saltier in my opinion x) cream of mushroom had a little too much pepper. as usual.

looking at ft's multiply really makes me think of how much happened this 4 years. its lucky to have him teaching me all this while. all the best to you too! i enjoyed your lessons and i'll bear that advice in mind! HAHA!

yiching's tempting me to head out for desserts now but i told her, bakerzin would serve pretty awesome warm chocolate cake too! D: cant wait for it bumble bee! XD wednesday aint too faraway! D: dont forget about macaroons and the loveliest mango moose cake i love! x)
timomo must go along too!

glenn frey's the one you love. finally found the title to the song. sweet. :D
there's not much to say tonight so perhaps i might just come back later.
ciao

there's no easy way to see this through
all the broken dreams, all the disappointment
oh girl, what you gonna do?
your heart keeps sayin' it's just not fair
but still you gotta make up your mind

its never bad enough to just leave or give up but its never good enough to feel right.

Your life seems out of place. Extremely. I think you need to pick up the phone along the expressway. The phone that is housed in the orange shelter with the large alphabets 'S', 'O' and 'S'. You know it. The brakes in your car are malfunctioning. Carry on and Spiderman needs to appear in front of your car and webs will be spun onto buildings. But Spiderman doesn't seemed to really exist. I don't think so. Help yourself. I don't want to see a sick friend reporting to JC and trying her best to bring on the best in her in the Orientation Camp but that whole effort is useless. You should understand my point.
it was just a dream, she told herself.

ernie.
sometimes i think this brother of mine understands me better than i do myself =/
well i guess its not a bad thing to have one who helps to make things much easier to see and realise. you're the man ernie!

freaking bbqwhole sale got me running up and down like a crazy woman looking for a transaction receipt today and if i find out who is that lady that claimed that my money was not transfered over, i'll not let her off so easily. argh.
but its not her fault. maybe the money wasnt wired before i ring her. but whatever it is, at least i didnt lose 100bucks for nothing.

woke up from a pretty nasty dream after falling asleep at 8 in the morning. its the kind you wake up in cold sweat but knowing its just a dream. however, it feels so real that its going to happen in your reality soon. nasty. really nasty. i guess even if it happens in reality tomorrow, i wont feel that sad anymore. because i already know whats going to happen.

having difficult getting saxophone lessons have made me change my mind. i suppose flute isnt too bad also. but i must say that isnt one instrument to learn as well. think about it, im not exactly a woodwind person am i? there's a reason why i play french horn in zwinds. well, a suppose a trip down to yamaha wont harm (: and saxophone is deemed partially woodwind, partially brass. lets just see what this music school has to offer me (:

as usual,
im neither here nor there am i?

because what's not enough to kill you
will hurt you.

眼泪流过
回忆是多余的

if you said those words to make me feel better, i rather you you dont. they hurt more than they should. so please dont bring me close and throw me away. i'll run and i'll hide. never should you seek. =/
randomness.

maddy's got an urge to just throw the freaking laptop down 3 floors and just tell dad she crashed it. its dying on me though both xk and bro did try to save it. its barely alive. like how a paralysed waist down human would be. oh well. scrap it.

and there's chalets coming up. i need to start packing for korea also. aunt says its minus 4 degrees in korea. about 10degrees or slightly warmer in hongkong. i dont seem to anticipate much for this trip, at all. there are things i dont want to put down but yet, no use holding it tight cause it wont be of any help. it might hurt at first but i guess i'll be okay after some time. wont i?

i dont know why what happened did happened and i never will know why what happen will happen eventually. i just dont know so stop asking me. like how ernie put it, im tired. actually it isnt as complicated as we all thought it is. its a string of simple matters messed up together. thats why it is deemed complicated. is it not? i know i'll look back and laugh at it in a matter of time wont i?

silly girl. it'll be fine. things will all fall into place eventually alright (: and you dont believe it till you see it for yourself. until you trust your own instinct. you'll grow to understand it girl. just give yourself time alright (: im here always and i'll sigh with you then :D
hang in there alright esther!

have you heard?
its by michael buble. i heard it again today. it made me sad. like it always do.

some screaming here and there followed by a slam on the door. i wonder what happened. i dont like it when people start pushing the work around. only waiting for things to happen and thats sickening. you guys dont seem so eager when it comes to sharing your joy. what happened? ugh.
i dont feel that fantastic right now. so go away.

and about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.
i'm sorry honey, but im passing up, now look this way.

The Journey
by Max Lucado

I drove the family to Grandma’s last night for Thanksgiving. Three hours into the six-hour trip, I realized that I was in a theology lab.

A day with a car full of kids will teach you a lot about God. Transporting a family from one city to another is closely akin to God transporting us from our home to his.

A journey is a journey, whether the destination be the Thanksgiving table or the heavenly one. Both demand patience, a good sense of direction, and a driver who knows that the feast at the end of the trip is worth the hassles in the midst of the trip.

For me, six hours on the road is a small price to pay for my mom’s strawberry cake. I don’t mind the drive because I know the reward. I have three decades of Thanksgivings under my belt, literally. As I drive, I can taste the turkey. Hear the dinner-table laughter. Smell the smoke from the fireplace.

I can endure the journey because I know the destiny.

For some of you, the journey has been long. Very long and stormy. In no way do I wish to minimize the difficulties that you have had to face along the way. Some of you have shouldered burdens that few of us could ever carry. You have bid farewell to life-long partners. You have been robbed of life-long dreams. You have been given bodies that can’t sustain your spirit. You have spouses who can’t tolerate your faith. You have bills that outnumber the paychecks and challenges that outweigh the strength.

And you are tired.

Let me encourage you with a parallel between your life’s journey and the one our family took last night.

It’s worth it.

As I write, the Thanksgiving meal is over. My legs are propped up on the hearth. My tablet is on my lap.

I have every intention of dozing off as soon as I finish this chapter.

The turkey has been attacked. The giblet gravy has been gobbled. The table is clear. The kids are napping. And the family is content.

As we sat around the table today, no one spoke of the long trip to get here. No one mentioned the requests I didn’t honor. No one grumbled about my foot being on the accelerator when their hearts were focused on the banana splits. No one complained about the late hour of arrival.

Yesterday’s challenges were lost in today’s joy.

God never said that the journey would be easy, but he did say that the arrival would be worthwhile.

Remember this: God may not do what you want, but he will do what is right … and best. He’s the Father of forward motion. Trust him. He will get you home. And the trials of the trip will be lost in the joys of the feast.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll close my eyes. I’m a bit tired from the journey, and it feels good to rest.

-
necessary evil

i think i've become very wildful. demanding in some ways also. asking for more, yearning for all. compared to where i started off, i've become very selfish. very very greedy also. i need to loosen the strings and unbuckle the lock. im afraid if this go on, i'll destroy whats left, with my own bare hands.

a very nasty day today and i think it started with a terrible night. part of it was because when i opened the apple to reply ernie's email, the internet crashed on me. hate it when such things happens but it left me clearing my junk inside the folder called Madelyn. a good thing i guess. clearing the heaps of trash, throwing away the forgotten.

you are evil arent you. look at your heart. its black. its dirty black. its filthy. eeww. you know it.

i think dad is right about me looking older with this drastic hair =/ its scary when i look into the mirror at times. i love guinevere's perm though. looks lovely on her.
great to see the operaghost once again and i enjoyed her company though it was really short. that office lady really didnt change much to me but if only she could catch the awesome chitty chitty bang bang with us. it sure is one musical that have you tapping your feet practically throughout the entire show. it was great.

makes one wonder about the work backstage for such a stunning musical. all the props and organisation. the time and the cost. i believe the size backstage is a few times the size of the stage itself. to present something so splendid, it must have took alot of effort. a pity the theatre wasnt full but at least our 3rd floor seats got upgraded to the first in the circle. D: or is it the stall. but still, it was worth the time and money i must say. (:

i thought alot last night. i thought i made up my mind and fell asleep then. but only to find myself waking up at 3am with a totally different mind. it happens every now and then in the morning. when its at night and when its in the day, its different. its as if waking up to a bright morning gives me a little hope. i suppose if one day morning seems like night would i really stick to my fickle mindedness.

truly scrumptious.
feet are aching from the walking today but its fine. i'll be okay. i will be. i hope.

there's no turning back and there's no road forward.
help.

its gonna be a long night
and im gonna lose this fight.

when what you see doesnt tally with what you hear. time after time.

sitting at the salon for 4 hours really tested my patience. many things lately have been doing so. taking their time to show my limits. i suppose its putting me into the right mind when the eventual wait comes. perhaps these little tests would help make the upcoming major one easier to deal with. it shouldnt be long. many things for maddy to do during the waiting. as for now, she enjoys, savour and appreciate every moment she has for it.

red highlight and straight hair. i never expected this but at least i think it looks rather different. bold i would say. somehow i do get reminded a little of paramore's lead singer though it isnt that orange and that bold. someone once said bold is beautiful. im doubting it at times. times like now =/

wish i can keep it for the next year also but going into ajc with this hair colour would be a problem. thats where black hairspray comes into picture eh? haha we'll see about that one when the time comes.

chitty chitty bang bang with guin lisa and awsu tml.i really cant wait. so many good critics and reports about it. im sure we'll all 4 have a great time watching it. from the 3rd level though.

its pouring outside but it wasnt before. southwest monsoon eh. seems like bringing textbook to life isnt too hard for times like these. some love the rain while others simply cant wait for it to go away. it seems like we often meet with rainy days and seek for shelter. shelter from this world. shelter from the pelting rain. but i guess after the rain, we learn to appreciate mr sun a little more. (:

5 minutes in video ezy with 5 videos and contentment. the ladyrain cant ask for more. back to aeon flux and marie antoinette D:

mousey when are we going out again! D:

just in case you feel like coming round again.

Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing this, that the testing of your faith develops patience, and patience must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. -James 1:2-4

thanks leon. (: God bless!

can anyone guess the first song i heard on class 95 after not tuning in for so long?

i feel like the radio is out to mock me or something and after i continue to tune in, the songs get even more outrageous. lets just say it started off with the infamous me and mrs jones. then some simply red and some dido with her thank you. later, sheryl crow and her the first cut is the deepest.

damn you class 95!

and i seriously think its an insult to cyndi lauper when matchbox 20 actually when to make such a noisy version of time after time. whats the world coming to? trying to bring in the old and make it new when they have no creativity of their own?

Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

my head's so heavy

hello you unknown readers of the world.
i thought it would be easier if it hurts a little more each time but seems like i keep getting sucked back into the whirlpool over and over again. shit you madelyn. you ended up this way and you blame only the ladyrain. looking at it, i can only call myself one thing. stupid. i already feel retarded reading what i write. -shakes head-
just saw sam tan's nick on msn and i feel like laughing just reading it. 'there are only 2 things in life that are infinite. the universe and human stupidity in love.'
HAHA. just feel so retarded reading it and i am certain it applies to everyone. dont try to deny it people. you know. nice one samuel! im speaking like 3 year old kid am i not?

i pretend nothing happen. i take it as if time just stole away. but i dont deny, that moment, it felt like deja vu. i think i've reached nirvana or something. like i can forsee whats happening or just know its going to happen. dont they mean the same thing? argh whatever man.

i had a penalty in the game. people are catching up real fast and i thought i was leading. too bad for me then. but you watch your step because the race has just began. watch your back. i'm real close behind if i am even anywhere further than your step.

i find myself getting stuck in my own little world each time and thats really foolish because i fail to see the big picture. keep having this thought that i am just having the whole world revolving around myself. feels terrible. feels like im losing my old self. i need to find it back. quick. before i lose it entirely. that would be bad bad bad bad BAD news.

really got to thank xk for sitting at kovan hub to fix my laptop though it isnt entirely fixed. though the freaking moron just seem to screw up on me each time i try. the freaking keypad just wont work. mentioning it now just gets me red with fury. argh. damn it. i should have just bought a mac book back then. at least i know i wont be facing shit crap like this now. but nonetheless, thanks xk for helping me get rid of the password that i stupidly forgot. that was the primary problem. now that freaking keyboard should just revive by itself somehow.

i still dont like it. dont like how you have the control of the entire situation. its so unfair. i shall go back to meditation and find my way out to this. im not going to lose. believe me, i'll be right next to you master.

and you, watch it too. (;

bye world.

for enquries and clarifications, please email madelyn.goh@gmail.com or call me at 99958578.

the clock ticking
the world stops turning

'....makes me feel that all that you are going through isn't worth it. I am not sure, but I guess you know what you yourself want ultimately. Bystanders and outsiders can't say much.'

ernest. sometimes i feel really blessed to have this friend along side to guide me through it all. prevent me from falling, from failing in life. but i think i still did. he just prevent me from sinking deeper into the foolish-ish thing around.
i was feeling really happy for an hour or two but soon i felt the mood fading away. it always happen. its how i swing into the crazy moods and start ignoring everyone. so just get used to it.
had a very nasty hit on the cab just now because i was letting my mind drift. now i think its going to turn blue black very soon on my leg. argh. stupid me. as usual.

you wont find me here.

maybe finding all the things it took to save us
i could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
look in your eyes to see something about me
i’m standing on the edge and I don’t know what else to give.

how can i love you

it awes me. sometimes i really wonder how the words just flow through you. how the right words and the right time. the precision. what kind of love potion do you let her drink? leaving her head over heels with you. im curious. you ought to teach me. come on. i want to learn.

csi supreme sunday is love. if only all crimes in this world can be solved this easily. if all complicated matters boiled down to evidence only which leads to the liberation of the innocent. but who exactly is innocent?

she keeps wondering. and she isnt happy. with who? with what? i cant find an answer.

let the world be my witness

and she begins to wonder, where's a safe place to hide from this world.

mouse and maddy concluded bugis is just not the place for them and it would be quite some time before returning there again i suppose. love our matching tops and that mean lady actually sold mouse the belt with a hole. argh. i detest dishonest retailers like these. later we went all the way to kovan to see a donut. a pretty pink donut that reminds us of homer simpson! D:

sa open house was fun and thanks ernie for the company there. i think he fell in love with the school faster than he did with any other and it should be his next school. im sure he can make it and he will enjoy it there. its his haven. met so many people there and camy was there too! so close yet so far eh!
temptations. do not give in =/

white tangerine was the same but the difference this time was that we all had no books! it was all fries and banana sundae and drinks. felt so good returning to one of my favourite hunts always. just a pity we all missed the live band but still, a great time with the friends D:

dont try too hard.
dont.

i get down on my knees and pray.

after today i think i really truly honestly understood what yiliang meant when he says '1's a little too little and 2's little too much.'

i suppose its needless to say whats 3 like then.

and its not as if i mind your heart is not exactly breaking.



i think fresh flowers are the prettiest things on earth and the only reason why is because they're from mother nature. they're fresh. but sadly, their beauty is so shortlived. cant last more than a week without water or their roots firmly to the ground. but of course, you can always try to dry them but then, they wont be called fresh flowers anymore.

fireworks. you capture them on cameras and videos. you keep them for memories and use them in celebrations. but nothing is compared to the moment you watch them burst into vivid colours in the darkest skies. they too are short lived. just savour the moment and leave with no regrets.

i see my life about to change. about to take a turn to the other lane. maybe its not a bad thing. seems like no 2 things stay together for long. long enough to witness death. the most unexpected. the least expected. it wasnt roaring. it was weeping. and i wish i knew. i havent been fair.

collecting the slips and PAE booklet felt like the actual o levels results release. i can already picture it in my head. it isnt a good feeling. pls tell me i'll be okay.
assurance and more reassurance. thats the insecure maddy staring right ahead of you.

thanks mingying, jocelyn and ernie for the great day. you all have brought so much laughter into my day D: i look forward to the day we lie on the amphitheatre again under the velvet blue sky.

when the pillars holding you up crumbles. how do you stay up?



If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get

to play this game, you got to have guts. thats about it all. of course, a little bit of strategy planning also i presume. to stay in the game you need to think ahead. you need patience and endurance. but to end this game, just press exit and walk away. remember, dont turn back. because thats a foul and you'll have to suffer a penalty. a heavy penalty.

you cant lose in this game. you have to win. you cannot give in. once you're in it, its hard to get it though it sounds pretty easy to just walkaway. the not turning back is the difficult part. sometimes you fall into it so easily without realization and you find yourself unable to get out. the best thing to do is just stay in there, hang in there and play along. the goal? become the master's of the master game.

it takes time of course. you gain the experience along the way and move upwards. you keep climbing till you reach the top. you keep climbing. climbing and climbing. you cant stop because you will fall. fall too hard and hit the ground. find it difficult to stand up once again.

while some might be able to after a fall or 2 and grow to become stronger, others just choose to stay on the ground till someone is willing to come over and help pull the person up. difficult. for both parties. they have to try really hard.

you cant make any mistakes. its too costly. no backspace and no delete. once you erase, its everything. you start back from zero but certainly with a record, a scar. reminding you that you once fell and gave up. the more you try, the more scars you get.

this game. can you afford it?
are you gamed?

-

learning something new everyday is not always a bad thing i suppose. but most importantly, learn it right. even if its the wrong thing, learn it right. so you dont have to go back and try to erase the mistake. its difficult to do so. learn it right. i remember Mr Chew used to teach us new scores very carefully, very precise with every bar. that way we learn it right the first time, we'll remember it better and never attempt to make mistakes. but you start it off on a wrong note, you'll start trying and practicing the mistake. its not good. just making life difficult for yourself. you suffer. along with everyone else you love.

i'll remember today. i still dont believe what i did though.

foot hurting with a nasty blister that stained the shoes red. it didnt matter to me. shrinking LONG JOHN SILVERS (lj) that leaves people disappointed. is this the way they keep people coming back for more? pretty fort canning park and the drizzling weather. low low LOW pool tables and nice owner at meridian. inflated price bubble tea that tasted pretty lousy and the standard ticketing machine with its dollar coin. x)
a nice train ride with inside jokes and walking bare footed till the doorstep.

school tomorrow. i suppose it will be quite some time before i return there once more after tomorrow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY XIUKUN x)
time for nasty violent NC16 movies!

and i think mom will hit the roof when the hp bill comes in a few days time.
DOOMED MADDY! DOOMED!

i wish i can read people's mind at times.

Cos nothing I have is truly mine

bring me up and watch me fall. autumn leaves.

when what i see is not convincing me at all.
feels great to have given away all my books today. well, at least most of them. hope liyan and the rest would make good use of them and not waste them away like i did. i could have did much more and done better with them actually. oh well. its over. haha! its your turn to suffer! XD i had my share.

had a blast watching the really experienced players today at concourse and makes me really envious with their cues and accuracy. my teacher's playing was not too bad. just that they were too good so he practically lost most of the games. it'll be fine in a couple of years time i suppose. awesome.

bras bersah complex wasnt too hard to find with a little intuition and sense of direction. at least we got there eventually. didnt take too long i suppose. barging into raffles hotel was really fun and i must admit, its a pretty place to be. got some gloves and cleaning solution before heading back. pool-ed again at the usual place and its really a different level of playing back at the place. the weak turns strong.

a not-so-long bus trip with old chang kee and a walk home after. a couple of familiar faces here and there today. i must say. marcus does look like xavier. quite alot. =/

job interview tomorrow and i really wonder whats it like. i'll remember my pen. not like some moron who eventually got a sarcastic remark in return. HAH.

titanic seems really cliche but its just sweet. not like there's such a thing in reality. got to wake up from those scenes, madelyn. reality check. you get close enough and you fall. thats about it all isnt it. tell me you put it down. yea whatever.

set your priorities right, madelyn. (i thought i did)
whatever.

frustrations? no way. i'll be falling for your trap if i really get mad wont i, master? she knows her way around still. well, only after she sits in front of the apple that is.

and what am i suppose to do about it
sit down here and cry? dream on.
hang in there madelyn. hang in there. it wont be long.


block out the sun and pack up the skies

now to plan what to do. xD
actually she had it all in mind when the o's were going on xD but nonetheless, now she can put it all down without feeling any guilt.

1. Saxophone course. $150 per mth at yamaha is a pretty steep price and sadly, its individual course. ugh.
2. Pool. lots to practice and lots to train. suppose to be able to defeat my master after he finish NS. difficult challenge =/
3. Jigsaw.
4. Movies. time for video ezy to clear their shelves for me and catch up on what i've been missing out for the past year 10months of 07.
5. Ghost whisperer + heroes.
6. Zara.topshop.f21.bugis. you know it! a whole new wardrobe. D:
   
7. Korea + hk trip on the 31st!
8. Chitty chitty bang bang musical!
   
9. Sandao watanabe's concert! any takers? =/
10. Marche. i never really had a chance to eat to my heart's content yet!
11. My streak of ash grey hair (pending)
12. Christmas party.
13. Golf lessons perhaps?
14. Ice skating/ECP cycling/ blading. its been some time!
15. Sleep.
16. Chalet with the band mates D:
17. Plan the JC life.
18. Fix my laptop and play Rollercoaster tycoon xD
19. Watch KS do his popping and locking!
    
20. Find a way to deal with the master of the master's game. ;)

brain block. that's about it i suppose but might just fill it up with a job somewhere in cartel outside my house or perhaps Singapore General Hospital.
and boy, im exhausted even before anything has begin.

and i didnt forget. you just know it dont you.
resistance. how long more can she hold it, i wonder.
random thoughts and out of focus. she lost her foothold.

Happy birthday Noel D: and belated to TIMOMO!

getting out of here for now D:
loves.

when temptations are given in
when all hell break loose.

its personal.

i dont feel any excitement in me at all. not even the slightest. they really shouldnt have drag this o's across a span of 4weeks. a month. 30days. the impatient me will find no joy in celebrating for the end of o's already. but nonetheless, i do look forward to being a good samaritan and give away all the books to those who are ready to suffer the fate all my peers did with me. whahaha. definitely also more time for mouse, ernest and all my friends D: awesome! okay, she feels funny =/ ugh.

i dont like the sick feeling. =/ i dont like the stomach flu. the drowsines. make me well!!!!
ARGH. i still want my pepper lunch with my darling michelle sister this weekend D: teehee.

someone i dont know.

cream cheese and cracker. chocolate bar and kinder surprise. humour me, pls.

no hope, no love, no glory,
no happy ending

im losing all my thoughts. im losing this fight. im losing purpose. im losing the thing called sanity. oh no. -shake heads-

If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

Binge eating disorder (BED), is a psychiatric disorder in which a subject shows the following symptoms:

• Periodically does not exercise control over consumption of food
• Eats an unusually large amount of food at one time -- more than a normal person would eat in the same amount of time.
• Eats much more quickly during binge episodes than during normal eating episodes
• Eats until physically uncomfortable
• Eats large amounts of food even when they are not really hungry
• Usually eats alone during binge eating episodes, in order to avoid discovery of the disorder
• Often eats alone during periods of normal eating, owing to feelings of embarrassment about food
• Feels disgusted, depressed, or guilty after binge eating

source: wikipedia.

oh no. please tell me im not binge eating but i fit the symptons. ugh no.
HELP.

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

the sick feeling in the stomach wont go away. and waiting here like a sitting duck doesnt seem to be of any help. argh.

lovely juniors never fail to cheer me up always. -hugs-

maddy feels like she's losing herself. help find MADDY!
and now that she's got time (not exactly) for everything else, she cant be bothered with anything at all. argh.

go away.

sometimes looking at it in a negative light, the picture turns out to be pretty after all right?

to a heart's content.

geography mcq today was fun but the rest of the day was even better. felt so sleepy doing all the mcq but was really relief to see repetition from tys. at least the few hours spent doing was worthwhile (:

a great day out and thats all you're going to get. D:
when was the last time she even felt this way? when you just want to lie back and do nothing at all. when you want to just let time pass and the world to go round.

vincent van gogh painted Starry Night and for each star he painted, it carried a year of his life. a total of 36. each representing a year of light and hope till the very day in 1889. no matter how much bright the stars shone, the homes still looked like a reign of darkness.
a double edge sword in life.

and she is still feeling full from dinner and the day itself (:

sweet misery, you are to me.

how does it feel

the transparent denture like retainers looks pretty cool but feels like crap when you have to wear them. hopefully its not for long. and someone is being real mean. if there's no where to go then you can just go sit at the bus stop tml. D:
and brother's got a new love! cant wait to see! XD

back to the 308 pages of mcq as quoted from napok. lol.

now im really worried. something tells me this o's was not fantastic and the results wont be ideal. pls tell maddy she'll be fine. she needs to stay in ajc. ):
sigh.

and she doesnt know what she's feeling tonight.
a mixture.

when there's no turning back.

say love, say love
oh loves gonna get you down.

its as if im playing with fire

如遇上她怎去躲
是时候放低我
今天从孤单一个也能庆贺
谁是对那是错
我们今天都也要走过
或你一天会决定选我

have i told you how much i love 2348? countless i guess. xD but yea, they're still the most awesome pals you can find around. at least for me (: pool or some chilling out something soon alright! <3!

and i love the cold storage speciality store with its row of hamster food and jelly tots.

有缘又有份才算最幸福的有缘人

she'll pack her suitcase cause the taxi's round the bend.

and late at night,when you pour down on me
you're just in time to wash all the tears away.

madelyn; the ladyrain
seeker of christ
zh graduate
32 NCO Band Camp

and she's got everything that i've to live without.



From the subway to my home
endless ringing of my phone
When you feeling all alone
all you gotta do
is just call me call me

2E1.
4E3.
amiel.
alan.
alvin.
cheeling.
chenying.
desmongoose.
e*lame.
eugene.
ernest.
mrlee.
guinevere.
glamourgirl by elame!.
howleong.ytwo.
huiyun.
jiecai.
joshua.
john.ctwinds.
jonathan.
justin.
jordon.
jacqueline.
kailing.swisswinds.
kristy.
liyan.
lisa.
nina.
nicole.ytwo.
Operaghost.
peiwen.
peijie.
richmond.
rueylin.
samson.
shuqian.
shannen.
timothy.
valerie.white.
wanchun.
xavier.
yanting.
yvonne.
yingjie.
youwen.
yiching.
yanjun.
yiliang.
zwinds.

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